New Mass?

The Japery on renovating Catholic mass :

The updated Mass, which the conference calls the Novus Improvatus Ordo, will take many of the faithful by surprise. Instead of the weary old greeting and response, the priest and congregation will trade a pleasant salutation such as one might hear in an alley or in the waiting room of an unemployment office. Here, for instance, is the revised version of the Preface:

Hey there!
Hey yourself.
Be happy!
Already am.
Be thankful!
Sure, why not?

Some of the more traditional bishops objected to the removal of words such as “Lord” and “God,” but as Bishop Minnow shrewdly notes, many of the changes in Catholic worship have already blurred that category, breaching the distinction between the human and the divine. “Why stick at that,” he laughs, “when you have already taken down the communion rail? And when you already sing the words of the deity in the first person?”

“Besides, I believe that Jesus was all about breaking down walls,” said Rosemary Ratched, a sister of the new order of Our Lady of Empowerment. “He showed us that we were already divine.” Jesus spent most of his time on earth laughing and carrying on, agreed Elaine Pagans, a scholar of the Neo-Testament; but the apostle Paul perverted the original message to fit his racism, anti-Semitism, sexist, and homophobia. “Paul was not a barrel of laughs,” said she.

Note that the last paragraph’s references are just barely tongue in cheek, referring to some rather widely spread ideas, unfortunately, that have percolated throughout Christianity. Somehow only a few of Jesus’s ideas seem to make it through translation for some readers. Every so often, try to stop laughing for a second and realize that these “arguments” are not as uncommon as one would think.

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